"Help me, love you"

People say were incompatible but it won't matter though.
I began to stare at you one day, I saw beauty in you, then i said to myself is it possible that Mrs. Lovable is staring me right in the eyes, but since your feelings for me aren't easy to see or even find, you must be in disguise..... Someone once told me there is a soul mate for everyone even a street bum can find, then I thought of you and began to think " Maybe I've found mine".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For a moment,There was a rush that came over me, when I thought of that possibility. The possibility of you feeling the way I feel about you about me.
I stare at you and can't breathe,
you look at me,& I become weak at the knees instantly.
*

Correct me if I'm wrong, are we friends? or is there more? we say were friends but there is more so much more or could it be a silly crush? My heart says it's so much more. Love at first sight if you will?* I'll be the first to say this is scary for a Man like me to feel.
I'm aware of the pros and cons of love and that's what scares me the most, Love can kill not permanently but it can make you feel dead to everything that once had life around you,.... so before I take another step I need to know What I'm feeling is real.
*****
Apart of me feels like this could be pure fantasy, these are feelings that you only see in movies, so this must be make believe.
This feeling isn't budging, it won't go away; so what do I do? confess my love or just stick around to stay?
I wonder if you think this could turn into a forever after or a happy ending until the next chapter?
My heart says forever it also says we should be together.
I'm not searching for another pretty face, I don't want anyone else to hold, nor do I want my love to go to waste, that's what will happen if for your love I lose the race.
I'm one to always run from the truth especially when it comes to this...Love.
Love told me that I had to wait until it was my turn and when my turn comes I better be ready* So tell me, is it my turn? Because I feel like I'm ready.....
this is a chance that I'm afraid to take but how do you know this can't be it, how do you know this is what we've been waiting for, why hold back when giving in can release so much more, love for me is what your heart has in store. "I'd rather possibly be rejected as a Man that tried, than as a coward that never tried at all*
With that said From the truth I'm not running anymore all I ever think about is you & all I want is you so tell me what do you feel, or do you feel at all? I tried it my way; I tried to walk away but like I said this feeling wouldn't let me or my heart get away*
Your eyes say it all I don't need your words, All I need is to put my hand to your chest, count the heart beats and make sure they match mine, I can't wait on a verbal answer, because were running out of time. what's the rush you ask? The rush is what I've been feeling for you for so long, *Now I can't wait anymore let me give to you what my heart has in store.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is more than Just a feeling, it's an ability;So allow me the ability to release my rush If your answer is no, I promise Not to lose my "cooth",
Just Let me see that your more than a Desire, But my Hearts' Truth.

"Too late"

how do you cope when the one you love is leaving you for someonelse and there's nothing you can do about it? she tried to reach out to you but constantly you ignored her, and payed her no attention now she's leaving you, so what do you do? how do you stop her if it's already to late? so again how do you cope when the one you love is leaving you for someonelse and there's nothing you can do about it?

Why all of a sudden are you leaving me?
she says nothing*
Why now when I wrap my arms around you away you push me indirectly so I won't quite know what your doing??
she says nothing*
Why won't you say the necessary response when I say I love you who do you think your fooling?
she says nothing*
are you cheating? if you don't mind me assuming*
she says nothing*
*********
It seems to me that your heart has left me, so who is he? I asked you a question!
what is this are you trying to teach me a lesson?
who is this man that your leaving me for and to him you are headed?
Look at me! answer me!*, so tell me? tell me why are you doing this to me why are you hurting me? what is it that I have not given you? My love, my heart, deep in my soul is where only you dwell, I don't want you to leave it's not time for farewell.
again she says nothing she just continues packing like there's noonelse in the room.
***********************************
When I question you, you look at me like the answer I am already supposed to know, the only thing I know is that this isn't the way love is supposed to go, whatever happened to talking it out? Were in a place where our love has lost it's flame and yet you continue not to say a damn thing* what is it? talk to me? what do you want? money? clothes? where do you wanna go? Paris? Hawaii? France? Peru? out there you loved the food. ***** Yet she still says nothing, she just continues staring, Now I'm stuck trying to read her eyes to see what she's thinking* she gives me no hint, no clue, now what do I do?
do I let her be, let her walk out on me? I question myself how did I let this come to be? it's funny because in a relationship you never know where you went wrong until your actually the one in the wrong and when the other is leaving, but its clear emotionally she already left and was for along time long gone. where did the love go? someone tell me because I really don't know* was it the late hours at work, the long conference calls on vacation, or not taking my time love making, and now she's at the door I'd ask her to stop but what is she really stopping for? when she turns around what do I say? We have no children together and it's obvious the love isn't enough to make her stay, so what do I say? or do I just let her walk away? ***************************************************
So again I ask How do I cope when
The one I love is leaving me for someonelse And there's nothing I can say or do about it.......
she tried to reach out to me but I constantly ignored her and payed no attention now she's leaving me, so what do I do? how do I stop her?
******
You can't, it's too late,.... she already left.

"DO SOMETHING"

"I told mommy what he was doing to me and she did nothing, so I took matters into my own hands.... wouldn't you?"


My eyes swelled, and my heart trembled with fear because I knew 3:00 was soon to be near, that was when mommy went away for awhile, that was when uncle Larry was left, to care for her "precious child".... "I love you and I love you", she'd always say. A kiss upon his lips then she was on her way. I watched from the window as she backed out the drive way.....like usual he was only a matter of feet away" with his hand up my dress, he whispers "time to play", I was his for the rest of the day.
Down the hall to my room he dragged me, yelling your mine and it was time to have me. he threw me on the bed and lifted up my legs, I bit down on my lip,& closed my eyes, "look at me" he yelled as he slid between my thighs, "please don't" I said, but i knew he couldn't hear, he was too busy "getting off" from the pleasure of my fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I blamed myself like most girls like me do, i said it was my fault for wearing those silk pajamas you know blues clue?, with the feet cut out and the blue dog on my chest, I blamed me for putting his sperm to the the ultimate test....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mother is God in the eyes of a child.... "God protects people,
so why didn't mommy protect me?"
*************
Sundays were the only days I got to rest mommy was home all day, that was the best.
her and uncle Larry would be in bed all day, he'd be doing to her what he did to me everyday. I cried at night because i knew Sunday's were coming to an end, and in a few hours my hell week would start up again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop touching me uncle Larry stop touching me or else.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday came and so did my pain, but this particular day nothing was the same i woke up got dressed but felt no fear i told myself "I'm gonna make mommy listen, whether or not she wanted to hear. "I love you and I love you she began to say.... then I begged and pleaded don't go mommy please please stay.... "ugh don't start", she shouted out loud, "I have to go to work, "no mommy! not now", you don't understand he's hurting me",
mommy just stared,...mommy listen to me! .. what? what are you talking about? she questioned. she looked confused as if i were giving a lesson. "Uncle Larry touches me in ways that are bad he climbs on top of me & whispers I'm the best he's ever had", mommy's eyes swelled & filled with tears, the response she gave I didn't think I heard her clear, "Anette stop lying, now go upstairs"!, "but mommy please, but nothing I say, go to your room, we'll discuss this later today". out the door she went. Off to my room just as she said, not to my surprise uncle Larry was waiting for me in my bed...he said "Poor poor Annette mommy didn't listen, now come here and give uncle Larry what he's been missing"* he got up and I backed up, further and further, til my back was against the wall, he grabbed me by my throat & off my feet he lifted me, then he stuck his tongue out and began to kiss me. "Stop uncle Larry stop it no more"! he kissed me so hard my mouth became sore, I hit and screamed but no one was there -I thought to myself even if mommy were here she wouldn't care." Uncle Larry please stop, stop it or else... Finally he let go and dropped me to the floor I bit his leg and ran, he yelled "you little whore"... I darted for the door, down the hall I ran with him right behind me, he shouts, "Anette your gonna wish you never fuckin tried me".
I kept running, down the stairs and through the kitchen door
I looked for somewhere to hide but my feet led me to the kitchen drawer, I pulled out a knife and stared at it for a minute then he came up behind me, and "ran right into it".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I told mommy what he was doing to me and she did nothing, so I took matters into my own hands.... And I did something.

"Woman" (to) "Woman".

what do you do, when you find out who the woman is he's cheating with?
What if she doesn't know about you?? What do you do?
Instead of being mad and bitter, wanting to fight her;
take a different approach,
warn her about him...
... just like you wished someone would have warned you.
-read on, you might learn something.
**************************************
~~~~~
Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second, "woman to woman"?....
~
I know your the reason why every time the phone rang he answered with a low tone,
I know your the reason why he was barely ever home,
I know your the reason I went to bed every night alone,
I know your the reason he stayed out til four,
I know your the reason why the good-bye kisses stopped, he'd quickly leave out the door,
I know your the reason our marriage fell apart
& why I carried pain in my heart.
*******************
like you I was once his thoughts for many nights, once the #"1" woman
in his life, that's where I messed up, I was satisfied with being number one, when I
should've been the only one.
No need to get defensive or bent out of shape,I'm not the type to chase. our love story long ago reached its end.
however for you? its just beginning.
**********************************************

Let's go through the scenario of how you two met, I bet it was a day you'll never
forget, neither could I.
He saw you, smiled, winked, and told you you were the most beautiful thing he's seen in a long time. you smiled blushed, flipped your hair, and replied couldn't have been that long. he walked closer put his arm on your shoulder and said "you have no idea", by this time you probably noticed his pecan brown eyes piercing at yours, and while you two conversed and he began to tell his lies, you couldn't help but notice a gold ring with diamond encrusted initials that read C.I. on his "right" finger?
I bet you asked what the initials stood for?
yea I knew you did, and let me guess what he said? Crushed inside?
"because he can't seem to find a woman that will love him right."
as the conversation continued
his phone rung,at the third ring he finally looked down, then back at you, asked if he can have your number and if it was OK if he called around 2?
from that day on you two began dating only able to see each other at night,
let see,...he said it was because he didn't want anyone else staring at his beautiful sight?
He said he didn't want many people around because that could ruin such a perfect night.

On the 6 month anniversary he took you to chez Pierre? or was it chez pari?
same place he took you on date # 3. after dinner he claimed he had a surprise,
you two went for a walk, as you approached the end of the street you couldn't believe your eyes, there was a mural of you two, & above it read
"will you marry me".
I love you*

by me telling you this you know where I'm getting at, your playing the same role I had just a different cast.

I'm not bitter, nor am I mad,
because at one point he wasn't just mine either to have.
I know what your thinking..."What your saying maybe true but how could I take advice from you"?
Now I'm not hating
but like you I wish the one before me would have warned me too.

you don't have to hear me but I
know your listening, you don't have to listen but I know you believe me.
Enjoy it all now because it won't last,

there will be someone new
Taking him away from you. she'll be the reason your home alone all the time,
she'll be the reason he's not by your side in the middle of the night
she'll be the reason you feel that pain which makes your heart so sore,
she'll be the reason why he's coming home at four.

It won't last, just like me you'll go from being his future to just a woman from the past.
a new leading lady will play the role you once had only but a different cast.
**********************

“Anytime a man weasels out on you, turns out he’s doing you a favor.” - Tiana for thought.

The power of a tear drop.....

Ever cried so much, that eventually the tears came with no warning?.... like it's something you had no control over? as if your body is used to crying more than smiling, almost as if it's the "norm" for you to cry at any given moment?
I know that feeling all to well.
My heart was no longer producing love, only water that trailed up to my eyes and trickled down my face.
I kept telling myself that crying would make the pain go away, but it didn't it only made my sadness greater, so much greater that my emotions began to overtake me.
I searched my soul trying to see what could possibly have me so broken, sad, and forcefully stuck on sad tune. what can have my heart so filled up that for love there was no longer any room? what could cut me so deeply? I thought.

Again I began to cry, this time with purpose, as the tears hit the floor they spelled out your name, I cried one more time to make sure I got the right answer, again my pool of emotions spelled your name......
-****
I can't say I was surprised, because over time our relationship had no change once it hit rock bottom, rock bottom it stayed, and no matter how much I prayed, unsolved our "love battle" remained.

right before my very eyes we were running out of love and there wasn't enough left in either of us to maintain, so my only choice was to give up.
there was no "right" within us anymore and wrong was all to much enjoying our company. time to stop crying, my tears will no longer comfort me.

(Tiana for questions)
Ever been so numb to your lover where your hello's are rehearsed? your conversation are constantly 3 minutes short ?,... your text messages are now one word, instead of one paragraph? or when your on good terms you can "time" how long the moment will last? have you ever been so numb to your lover that your kisses have no feeling and your "love making" has no passion. or your arguments are so long and drawn out that you can't remember how or why it happened? Have you ever been so numb where you look at your lover and see just a person? like as if you looking at a stranger? Ever been so hurt by your lover that even the smallest thing they do can crush you in a big way? Ever get to the point where now your introducing him by his name only instead of both his name and his title to you? like "oh this is my boyfriend john"...now its oh this is John. Ever argued so much that you just fall at fault for peace sake. Ever held your lovers hand but slightly let up in the grip because you really didn't wanna be touched? Ever look back to try to figure out what happened? Ever question "what made me love you so much?" Ever tried to make it better so you put a smile on but it seems so fake? Ever say i love you, to them but it took so much out of you to say?
Do you find yourself sticking around because you don't wanna be alone? Do you find yourself sticking around because both your names are on the lease of the home?
Ever find yourself screening there call, because you can't bare to hear their voice anymore? Ever think to yourself maybe he's not the one...maybe I made a mistake? Ever stayed together just for the children's sake? Ever cried so much that it became to much to take?
****************

My days alone are so smooth without you my eyes are dry and I don't use as much tissue.
I cried one last time the other day,and when the last tear fell, I looked down... it spelled out....
Smile.

{{tears are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”}

What "lies" beneath?

People will accept a lie because it's comforting,and will reject the truth all because it's unpleasant. So the question is....
Can the truth really set you free? because when it's bad it makes me runaway and makes me wish I was someone else other than me, Does the truth really set you free, when all you had was that lie keeping you safe in the first place? Can the truth set you free, when all you want is for the truth to be the lie and the lie to be the truth? Can the truth set you free when the truth will cause a lot of people pain and misery? Can the truth really set you free? if you somehow can't believe what the truth is? what if the truth is something your afraid to reveal,(mental question) when is it okay for a lie to be the truth? when the truth is the nightmare of your future destiny? Can the truth set you free? what if the truth is all you had keeping you sane? and now that it's revealed nothing else is the same? Can the truth set you free when you were holding it in to save someone else? what if it's lying that can save you and it's your last resort for help?
Some people under estimate how dangerous the truth can be?
some fail to recognize revealing the truth isn't easy
so many people stick to what "lies" beneath.
You talk about honesty and your brought up being told "always tell the truth"! "or else"! what if the truth isn't what you want to hear then what do you do? what if the truth will be the cause of some one's life on the line? and it's to late to take back the lie you said and now your running out of time, do you "truthfully" reveal that you've lied"? or what if the truth is somehow the token to a freedom you don't want? Do you really want the truth then?

"My truth"- when the truth has a good outcome the world wants to hear it everyone wants good news right? that's the good truth... what about when the truth is bad? then what? you don't want to hear it., that brings in the term "denial". the truth doesn't contradict itself, us as humans do.... when the truth is whether or not your boyfriend of 3 years got you that engagement ring or not we want to hear that.
the bad truth is whether or not he is cheating? Oh now we don't to hear that truth, so we run... we run away from that "freedom" which mentally and emotionally
we can't endure having because were too afraid to face reality of knowing "the bad truth". As humans we tend to run away from "truth" that can benefit us in life.... for example; ever hear people say "ooh I'd rather go on not knowing whether i have aids or HIV or not? But then they want to know if someone else has it?... so when the truth's spotlight isn't on you... then you want to know

"the truth is your souls armor".
It's so sad that nowadays people will hear a lie, know it's a lie, but accept the lie, all because they don't want to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I want to know what "lies" beneath,...what about you?

Tiana for thought*

God has the power,to Show you who God is.

It is very easy to lose hope in God, but if we lose hope in him... then where do we go from there? (Tiana for thought)

{{Tiana for explanation}}...
Many nights you sit up and pray with no confirmation of if he hears you or not, but yet you still continue to pray.... what makes you do so? What gives you that drive? where does that inner strength come from? The soul, the soul is the chamber that holds emotions that the heart is not strong enough to carry alone, so those emotions over flow deeper within yourself. now at what point is it time to release? When you feel as if all the weight on your shoulders is too much for you to carry? what do you do? you fall to your knees and you pray? but you find yourself not wanting to anymore.... you lost "hope" now what do you do? stay in the rut of which you started? thats the only alternative you have at this point..... Because losing hope in God is like committing a spiritual suicide. you exile yourslf from the blessings he had in store for you.

What people fail to realize is that everyone experiences that breaking point, that never ending fall, hitting rock bottom. Ever thought to yourself, what is the point of going through it all? In order for you to know who God is you have to allow God to be God, and in order for most to see that, you have to at one point be face down,.... God gains strength when we are weak.... because thats when we begin to pray. But why must God be our last resort.... why run to him when we are only in need??? Ever thought about running to God just to say hi?? or ask him how he is doing?? you should try it.
in conclusion, never lose hope, never lose faith. Go to God on your own, You don't want God to bring you to him, because he'll do so by any means nessacary.
God has the power to show you who God is.....so let Go and Let God.

letting go isn't easy but sometimes that's the only choice you have.

The reflection of you two kissing in my rear view mirror really made me wish i was blind that day. i heard something, i wasn't sure if it was the voice in my heart or my head that began to say "cry girl" but I couldn't so i just closed my eyes tight hoping i was dreaming and when I opened them the "nightmare" would be vanished,But it didn't there you were and there was she, right in back of me i sank down in my seat slowly hoping you wouldn't notice me, part of me thought you did see me or you knew it was my car but then i realized by the way you held her so tight,so close, you could careless who was watching you. as i stared I just sat back thinking of your kiss and warm embrace, too see you doing it to someone that wasn't me made me wish you didn't set me free, i wished that you did come after me one last time, but your a man of your word you said the last time i had one of my "I'm leaving tantrums" you'd let me go, and you did just that. as I watch the two of you, you seem really happy, but yet the pain my eyes in took trickled down to my
heart and cracked all four chambers, I began to somber and the tears from my soul hit my cheek, the tears were so cold and wet, wiping them wasn't an option they kept falling and had no intention of stopping
so i just let them run until they ran dry. I wished that day i was blind so I didn't have to witness the kiss you planted on her forehead, that kiss used to be mine it used to be "ours", how could i have been so stupid not to see that true love was right in front of me? look at me now watching true love, love on someone else.
The last reflection the glass showed me you two walking away hand in hand and although i was crying something in me found a way to crack a smile, at that point i began to understand it was time to let go and realize that you weren't any longer my true love,...no longer my Man.

CHERISH IT WHILE YOU HAVE IT, A LOVE NOT WORTH LOSING IS A LOVE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. AND A LOVE LOST IS A LOVE WORTH GOING AFTER.