Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I saw my daughter in my dreams the other night......
She had my hair; my lips; my eyes...
I heard her voice through my cries and she spoke to me,
She said, Don't Cry now, Just tell me why?...
Why I wasn't good enough to be apart of what you call a life?"
"You seemed Pretty ready to me, But daddy seemed more ready to get rid of me."
She said, "Mommy you didn't stick up for me, you didn't fight for me, you didn't love me and neither did daddy.
"Okay maybe you did love me but you loved daddy a lot more; you loved him so much that you forced yourself not to want me anymore".
"What did I ever do? Besides develop inside of you?"
I didn't ask to "almost be here"
I was just a Mere product of you Two!
"You tried to save me that day didn't you? but it was too late I had already been sucked into the suction tank.
"Good thing all babies go to heaven, because where my fetus went you can't even imagine."
"You signed the papers saying the doctors couldn't experiment with me.
"But why would you care "all of a sudden" what would happen to me, you weren't keeping me...you were to busy "keeping" daddy happy!the only thing you "kept" was your promise to get rid of me! good job mommy!
"I'll visit you in your dreams til I get answers and some type of clarity...as to why you didn't want me?
I hope next time mommy, next time you get it right and make the choice for you not daddy or the next daddy to be....
I hope my baby brother or sister doesn't whind up in baby heaven like me.
It was supposed to be you and me mommy "Always and forever" and because of you and daddy's selfishness I won't meet you never ever.
I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm trying to help you I wanna let you know that I don't in anyway resent you.
I came to you in this dream to speak my "Peace".
Hopefully now mommy you can sleep at night tear free.
I forgive you mommy and I forgive Daddy too,
Remember just because we didn't formally meet doesn't mean I don't love you I just would've loved to love you face to face....
"You crying and fighting with daddy every night won't make it right nor any easier for you what's done is done those first 6 weeks were fun.
"So until then I'll be waiting in heaven for you
and up there we can once again become one."
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
“I never once said I wanted to be a writer I was just somehow blessed with the gift".
All my life I wanted to be a star. I wanted to sing, I daydreamed of being a dancer, a singer, even starring in a broad way musical. But out of all those things I never became any of them that I day dreamed.
What’s going on? What’s happening to me? Why does it seem like everyone has control of my life accept for me?
I didn't ask to be here and the way things are going, nor do I want to be. So what if I could think of something, better yet anything off the top of my head and just write it! Doesn't mean it’s what I am meant to be.
I'm a lost soul as far as I'm concerned and the gift of my purpose is what I feel I deserve, but is it something I've earned?
Yes; that's the question at hand what's a purpose given if not in God's plan?
So what is God's plan? For me that is, will I ever know? Or is it something I've already missed? I don't know but I wish I did, I feel like I'm lost, trapped in the world of a kid. Life's moving on day after day and yet I'm stuck in the same place.
Release is all i ask for and if you choose not to then say no more, stuck I'll remain with no doors, or windows to escape.
But just to keep my mind from wandering and my thoughts safe can you please tell me; when my purpose will take place? A hint, a clue, or a simple answer will do.
You tell me what's my next move, I'll never be as clever as you nor am I trying to, I just want help from you. Why give me the gift to dream if what I'm dreaming I'll never be? I dream at high levels and getting there will take a life time and time is all I have, so that's fine. But if the answer is never, never will I know when my purpose is due; or what my purpose leads to
I can live with that; that I'll understand... But I can't stop asking it is your answer I seek, and I won't stop asking until you answer me.
Until then I'll wait & stuck I'll shall remain but I know I have a purpose, because you didn't put me on this earth just to die in vain.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
"I don't know why I keep taking so long to say this, I don't know what I'm waiting for, the longer i wait the more my heart will break and fester like a sore.....
I couldn't be cliche and start it off with an " I love you", because you know what's coming after I say that, I'm drawing a blank in my head, so with that said I'll do it this way instead.
It'd be really weak if I did this through a text message, and if I did it in person watching you cry would make me regret it, so I won't say a word maybe you'll just "get it" but I don't know whether not you'll accept it.
I'm sorry but I'd just rather be alone and no it's not you, I do love you, but your not fully understanding me ,let me just leave before I do something stupid that will definitely be the end of you and me. I really don't mean to hurt you, but give me some time and I promise when I get it right I'll come back and give this relationship a second try.
No it's not someonelse girl or guy. Just Give me a chance and I can be the girl you need;but right now that girl you need I simply can't be there's alot dorming inside of me, there's alot piling up and its keeps getting to the best of us, I don't know if I should leave, stay or go, all I know is that your what matters to me the most, and I'd never want to hurt you, at least not this way, that's why I'm walking away because I'd do more damage if I stay.
your heart will break and I don't know how long it will be broken, but awhile ago mine broke, broke and broke again, and right now I don't know how to make it whole again and super glue and tape can't fix it.
I hear you crying, I hear you loud and clear but I can't look at you, I can't see you clearly past my own tears.
one last word before you walk away, it'll only take a minute, and you'll understand it after I finish
..... it didn't make sense to keep lying and prolonging this longtime coming good-bye and I'm not saying it wasn't hard, But I gave us a fair try.
this is something I had to do, i said I wouldn't be cliche but I told you I do love you too much to hurt you and here I am proving it...
When I get it right, I promise when I get it right I'll come back and give this relationship a second try.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
"Maybe love isn't ready for me, maybe love is too mature for me, maybe love thinks i need to learn maturity, maybe love thinks i need to learn Love's true meaning, maybe love doesn't know i exist, maybe love got tired of me so by love i was dismissed, Maybe love couldn't find me because love couldn't remember my name, maybe love grew tired of me playing games, maybe love couldn't fight my fears, maybe love couldn't wipe all my tears, maybe for love it isn't my time, but when i find it love will be all mine" #tianaforthought
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"True love is not when you argue & make up in a minute..True love is when you argue; break up test the waters for 5 years but when you see that old flame your heart and mind is filtered with those same feelings you had for them once upon of time.
now that my friends is true love"
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"As he layed her down she began to breathe...
but her mind still not yet at ease.....he begs and pleads for her to relax;
as he pushes her down, on to her back;
She thought "Sobering with intimacy at last" not aware of the damage to come;her heart was so fragile like a glass, she had an unconscious fear for it
to be broken ; she held back her tears ;and her words remained unspoken...her body to him was a love of her token...
but when it was over, he kissed her gently...and left her laying there...
with her heart still empty*
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
he asked me.."is it okay if I save you...? I replied "from who"....he said..."from you"....cause the way you steady sippin...its slowly makin you different..and drinking is not gonna solve whatever's on your mind.*you know what you need to do....so again he asked..."can I save you....from you?" [tiana for thought)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
"I'm encouraging all lovers to love one another; Men! don't be "Too Macho" to kiss and hug her ; Ladies kiss him back with those lips that all that lip gloss covers... there's no such thing as too much kissing and hugging.
Tell her you love her everyday...tell her she's beautiful in every way...
Make her smile all the time, even when she don't want to,
make her laugh out loud even when she don't want to,
make her want you even,when she don't want you.
Watch her get ready, as she dresses in the mirror tell her put her make up on last so you can see her beauty more clearer....
walk up to her, hold her from behind, tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the world, better yet tell her she's one of a kind, like a diamond or a pearl.
Then one day get down on one knee and ask your lover, "will you marry me please" don't worry of the answer she won't say no,
because of all her reasons to say yes... you've already shown."