Thursday, April 29, 2010

The power of a tear drop.....

Ever cried so much, that eventually the tears came with no warning?.... like it's something you had no control over? as if your body is used to crying more than smiling, almost as if it's the "norm" for you to cry at any given moment?
I know that feeling all to well.
My heart was no longer producing love, only water that trailed up to my eyes and trickled down my face.
I kept telling myself that crying would make the pain go away, but it didn't it only made my sadness greater, so much greater that my emotions began to overtake me.
I searched my soul trying to see what could possibly have me so broken, sad, and forcefully stuck on sad tune. what can have my heart so filled up that for love there was no longer any room? what could cut me so deeply? I thought.

Again I began to cry, this time with purpose, as the tears hit the floor they spelled out your name, I cried one more time to make sure I got the right answer, again my pool of emotions spelled your name......
I can't say I was surprised, because over time our relationship had no change once it hit rock bottom, rock bottom it stayed, and no matter how much I prayed, unsolved our "love battle" remained.

right before my very eyes we were running out of love and there wasn't enough left in either of us to maintain, so my only choice was to give up.
there was no "right" within us anymore and wrong was all to much enjoying our company. time to stop crying, my tears will no longer comfort me.

(Tiana for questions)
Ever been so numb to your lover where your hello's are rehearsed? your conversation are constantly 3 minutes short ?,... your text messages are now one word, instead of one paragraph? or when your on good terms you can "time" how long the moment will last? have you ever been so numb to your lover that your kisses have no feeling and your "love making" has no passion. or your arguments are so long and drawn out that you can't remember how or why it happened? Have you ever been so numb where you look at your lover and see just a person? like as if you looking at a stranger? Ever been so hurt by your lover that even the smallest thing they do can crush you in a big way? Ever get to the point where now your introducing him by his name only instead of both his name and his title to you? like "oh this is my boyfriend john" its oh this is John. Ever argued so much that you just fall at fault for peace sake. Ever held your lovers hand but slightly let up in the grip because you really didn't wanna be touched? Ever look back to try to figure out what happened? Ever question "what made me love you so much?" Ever tried to make it better so you put a smile on but it seems so fake? Ever say i love you, to them but it took so much out of you to say?
Do you find yourself sticking around because you don't wanna be alone? Do you find yourself sticking around because both your names are on the lease of the home?
Ever find yourself screening there call, because you can't bare to hear their voice anymore? Ever think to yourself maybe he's not the one...maybe I made a mistake? Ever stayed together just for the children's sake? Ever cried so much that it became to much to take?

My days alone are so smooth without you my eyes are dry and I don't use as much tissue.
I cried one last time the other day,and when the last tear fell, I looked down... it spelled out....

{{tears are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”}

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What "lies" beneath?

People will accept a lie because it's comforting,and will reject the truth all because it's unpleasant. So the question is....
Can the truth really set you free? because when it's bad it makes me runaway and makes me wish I was someone else other than me, Does the truth really set you free, when all you had was that lie keeping you safe in the first place? Can the truth set you free, when all you want is for the truth to be the lie and the lie to be the truth? Can the truth set you free when the truth will cause a lot of people pain and misery? Can the truth really set you free? if you somehow can't believe what the truth is? what if the truth is something your afraid to reveal,(mental question) when is it okay for a lie to be the truth? when the truth is the nightmare of your future destiny? Can the truth set you free? what if the truth is all you had keeping you sane? and now that it's revealed nothing else is the same? Can the truth set you free when you were holding it in to save someone else? what if it's lying that can save you and it's your last resort for help?
Some people under estimate how dangerous the truth can be?
some fail to recognize revealing the truth isn't easy
so many people stick to what "lies" beneath.
You talk about honesty and your brought up being told "always tell the truth"! "or else"! what if the truth isn't what you want to hear then what do you do? what if the truth will be the cause of some one's life on the line? and it's to late to take back the lie you said and now your running out of time, do you "truthfully" reveal that you've lied"? or what if the truth is somehow the token to a freedom you don't want? Do you really want the truth then?

"My truth"- when the truth has a good outcome the world wants to hear it everyone wants good news right? that's the good truth... what about when the truth is bad? then what? you don't want to hear it., that brings in the term "denial". the truth doesn't contradict itself, us as humans do.... when the truth is whether or not your boyfriend of 3 years got you that engagement ring or not we want to hear that.
the bad truth is whether or not he is cheating? Oh now we don't to hear that truth, so we run... we run away from that "freedom" which mentally and emotionally
we can't endure having because were too afraid to face reality of knowing "the bad truth". As humans we tend to run away from "truth" that can benefit us in life.... for example; ever hear people say "ooh I'd rather go on not knowing whether i have aids or HIV or not? But then they want to know if someone else has it?... so when the truth's spotlight isn't on you... then you want to know

"the truth is your souls armor".
It's so sad that nowadays people will hear a lie, know it's a lie, but accept the lie, all because they don't want to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I want to know what "lies" beneath,...what about you?

Tiana for thought*

Thursday, April 15, 2010

God has the power,to Show you who God is.

It is very easy to lose hope in God, but if we lose hope in him... then where do we go from there? (Tiana for thought)

{{Tiana for explanation}}...
Many nights you sit up and pray with no confirmation of if he hears you or not, but yet you still continue to pray.... what makes you do so? What gives you that drive? where does that inner strength come from? The soul, the soul is the chamber that holds emotions that the heart is not strong enough to carry alone, so those emotions over flow deeper within yourself. now at what point is it time to release? When you feel as if all the weight on your shoulders is too much for you to carry? what do you do? you fall to your knees and you pray? but you find yourself not wanting to anymore.... you lost "hope" now what do you do? stay in the rut of which you started? thats the only alternative you have at this point..... Because losing hope in God is like committing a spiritual suicide. you exile yourslf from the blessings he had in store for you.

What people fail to realize is that everyone experiences that breaking point, that never ending fall, hitting rock bottom. Ever thought to yourself, what is the point of going through it all? In order for you to know who God is you have to allow God to be God, and in order for most to see that, you have to at one point be face down,.... God gains strength when we are weak.... because thats when we begin to pray. But why must God be our last resort.... why run to him when we are only in need??? Ever thought about running to God just to say hi?? or ask him how he is doing?? you should try it.
in conclusion, never lose hope, never lose faith. Go to God on your own, You don't want God to bring you to him, because he'll do so by any means nessacary.
God has the power to show you who God let Go and Let God.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

letting go isn't easy but sometimes that's the only choice you have.

The reflection of you two kissing in my rear view mirror really made me wish i was blind that day. i heard something, i wasn't sure if it was the voice in my heart or my head that began to say "cry girl" but I couldn't so i just closed my eyes tight hoping i was dreaming and when I opened them the "nightmare" would be vanished,But it didn't there you were and there was she, right in back of me i sank down in my seat slowly hoping you wouldn't notice me, part of me thought you did see me or you knew it was my car but then i realized by the way you held her so tight,so close, you could careless who was watching you. as i stared I just sat back thinking of your kiss and warm embrace, too see you doing it to someone that wasn't me made me wish you didn't set me free, i wished that you did come after me one last time, but your a man of your word you said the last time i had one of my "I'm leaving tantrums" you'd let me go, and you did just that. as I watch the two of you, you seem really happy, but yet the pain my eyes in took trickled down to my
heart and cracked all four chambers, I began to somber and the tears from my soul hit my cheek, the tears were so cold and wet, wiping them wasn't an option they kept falling and had no intention of stopping
so i just let them run until they ran dry. I wished that day i was blind so I didn't have to witness the kiss you planted on her forehead, that kiss used to be mine it used to be "ours", how could i have been so stupid not to see that true love was right in front of me? look at me now watching true love, love on someone else.
The last reflection the glass showed me you two walking away hand in hand and although i was crying something in me found a way to crack a smile, at that point i began to understand it was time to let go and realize that you weren't any longer my true love, longer my Man.