who are you?

I must say it wasnt like this before you used to love me and so much more, Why is it that when I want you to love me you reject me? When I want you to listen you disrespect me, when I need you near me you away you run?, I can't help but develop insecurities like is there wrong that i've done? when I ask you for your time and company you refuse to stay but when someone else does "see you later" your so quick to say.dismay to my heart is what you display. I've cried so much I ran out of words to say. I ask you to change but the same you remain I gotta face facts that you will not change. I love you you say time and time Again I wanna believe that what your saying is really what you mean, it's hard your mouth says one thing but your actions show another, then there's the secrets why the secrests are you living a life undercover? please show me who you are because this heartache i'm feeling has taken a toll and gone too far.

prayer changes things***

when some is down and out, and at their lowest of low in life, and your at a loss of words to say to them to make them feel better. The best you can do is pray for them and tell them to pray for themselves, there is no better advice than the word of God* (Tiana for thought)

(*) Eye Love You (*)

There once was a girl named Lacey who hated everyone, her family, her life, she had no friends and she just hated the world because she was born blind. however there was only one person she loved, cared, respected and listen too, her boyfriend Clayton. She only talked to him, spent time with him, her whole world was only him. They had been dating for almost 3 years and he decided that it was time to pop the question. one afternoon they go out for a stroll in the park, as they find a bench to sit on. he asked, "Lacey do you love me?" "yes i do very much" she replied, he said "are you sure?", "yes Clayton what's this all about?" "well if you love me, marry me", she replied "No". "why?" he asked, she said "I will not marry you until i am able to see you." he said OK and left the subject alone. The following day she was home isolating herself from everyone as usual, she receives a phone call from the doctors office saying that they'd found a donor for her. she phoned Clayton to tell him the good news but his phone had went straight to voicemail that was unusual she thought but she didn't want to wait any longer after all she's been waiting for this her whole life. She under went surgery immediately. About 3 days later Clayton came to visit, when she removed the cloth from her eyes, she looked upon his face for the first time, as she was staring he asked.... will you marry me now? Lacey ignored the question and began to stare into his eyes at that moment she realized Clayton was blind too, She shouted NO!, he began to cry, But this time didn't bother to ask why, because he knew. Clayton began walking towards the door but before exiting he spoke softly "Lacey you know I love you, and I'm always here for you, just do me a favor:, Lacey glanced over her shoulder and asked sternly... "What?", Clayton replied....Take care Of My Eyes For Me. then he turned and disappeared into the hall. ( love is from sight of the heart not the eyes )

kiss

closed my eyes and was hypnotized,

The kiss so sweet upon my lips,

It was only a kiss but this was what i missed, missed for so long,

I opened my eyes the moment was gone,

The thingz goin' through my mind were oh' so wrong,

My emotions taking a toll on my heart,

It was only a kiss but are lips could'nt part,

Part in time for me to ask myself.... Am i in love?

NO! it was just a kiss.

Then why is my mind, thinking these thoughts,

it was just a kiss,

but it is my fault,

i'm caught up open ya eyes think think think,

the moment was gone........................



BUT IT WAS JUST A KISS

a letter to Grandma (ily)

DEAR, GRANDMA THERE WAS SO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO SHARE AND TELL U SO MANY THINGS I WANTED TO SHOW U GRANDMA WHY DID U GO U PROMISED THAT U'D BE AT GRADUATION APPLAUDING ME ON, IT WASN'T TIME FOR YOU TO DEPART, GRANDMA IT WASN'T TIME FOR YOU TO LEAVE ME HERE GRANDMA YOU WERE MY ROCK, MY AIR, MY SHOULDER TO CRY ON, MY LAP TO LAY ON, MY LIFE ,MY EVERYTHING GRANDMA WITH YOU GONE AIN'T NOTHING GON' BE THE SAME I NEEDED YOU HERE MORE THAN ANYTHING NOW WHAT AM I TO DO? GRANDMA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I JUST WANTED THE CHANCE TO SAY MY LAST GOOD-BYE HOLDING YOUR HAND WASN'T ENOUGH, GRANDMA I GOTTA KNOW WHY? WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO ALL THAT PRAYING WE DID.... PLEASE TELL ME IT WASN'T FOR NOTHING, NO I DIDN'T WANT U TO SUFFER BUT GOD U COULD'VE RAISED HER UP WITH ONE SNAP ONE BLOW OF AIR WITH ONE WORD AND ONE SOUND GOD PLEASE I KNOW YOUR WORD SAYS NOT TO QUESTION THE MYSTERIES OF YOU.... BUT GOD PLEASE CAN YOU MAKE ONE EXCEPTION AND ANSWER MY QUESTION? GRANDMA SPEAK TO ME I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME I FELT YOU WALKING WITH ME YESTERDAY AND I SHED ANOTHER TEAR I WENT TO CHECK YOUR BEDROOM TO SEE YOU EVEN THOUGH I KNEW YOU WEREN'T THERE, GRANDMA PLEASE ANSWER ME I DON'T WANT A REASON TO BE ANGRY WITH GOD OR YOU....BUT THEN AGAIN.... HOW CAN I BE? I KNOW WHY YOU LEFT ME ITS ONLY FOR AWHILE I'M GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN, NO I'M NOT IN DENIAL I'M IN FAITH I GOTTA HAVE IT FOR ALL UR SAKE... GRANDMA PLEASE COME BACK WHY'D YOU LEAVE I SWEAR I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA MAKE IT, GRANDMA YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND TIL THE END MY MOTHER ,MY AIR, MY LIGHT, AND ALL THINGS THAT WERE OF GOOD... YOU WERE TO ME I KNEW IN MY HEART YOU REALLY LOVED ME GRANDMA PLEASE ANSWER ME GOD PLEASE RESPOND TO ME I JUST WANNA KNOW WHY GOD? WHY DID YOU ALLOW HER TO DIE GRANDMA I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME ANSWER ME~! PLEASE COME BACK FOR THIS.. I WASN'T READY JESUS I'M CALLING YOU SEND HER BACK SO I CAN HAVE ONE LAST GOOD-BYE ONE LAST CHAT, GRANDMA I WILL BE HONEST AND ADMIT THIS GOOD-BYE WAS FOR THE BEST BUT YET TO SOON I WANTED YOU HERE BUT UP THERE IS WHERE GOD MADE ROOM DON'T WORRY GRAMS WE WILL SOON CONTINUE OUR PLANS UNTIL THEN I'LL WAIT AND WHEN THE TIME COMES I'M COMING FOR YOU AND THEN I'LL GET MY ANSWER ...I LOVE YOU GRANDMA AND I WILL SEE YOU SOON.

to my grandma 7/30/08

JESUS FATHER-GOD IS ALL I CAN SAY WHAT A WONDERFUL PERSON THAT WAS TAKEN AWAY I CAN'T GET UPSET OR SCREAM AND SHOUT LIKE MY EMOTIONS ARE DIRECTING ME TOO BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE LORD MAY HAVE HAD IN STORE FOR YOU..UP THERE HEAVEN I KNOW IS WHERE YOU'LL BE AND IF I TURN MY LIFE AROUND AND LIVE RIGHT HOPEFULLY YOU'LL SOON SEE ME, I GUESS IM UPSET BECAUSE FOR THIS I WASNT READY BUT WHO SAYS DEATH IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD PREPARE FOR, BUT I DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY, YOU SEE GRANDMA YOU WERE AN ANGEL IN DISGUISE
HERE ON EARTH ANYWAY, SO WHETHER YOU'RE HERE OR IN HEAVEN THERE ISN'T ANY DIFFERENCE IN THE GREAT THINGS YOU HAVE DONE OR CAN DO...GOD NEEDED YOU UP THERE...HE HAD A JOB THAT ONLY YOU WERE ABLE TO DO HE JUST NEEDED YOU BY HIS SIDE IN ORDER TO DO IT...JESUS FATHER GOD IS ALL I CAN SAY IM SAD HURT AND DEPRESSED THAT HE TOOK YOU AWAY BUT HE NEEDED YOU MORE THAN I DID...ITS GONNA BE HARD WITHOUT YOU NEXT TO ME ITS GONNA TAKE SOME GETTING USED TOO BUT LIKE YOU ALWAYS TAUGHT ME IMA HAVE TO DO WHAT I GOTTA DO MEANING WHAT EVER THE LORD TELLS ME TOO DON'T WORRY GRANDMA NOW THAT YOU'RE MY ANGEL IMA LIVE RIGHT FOR YOU AND U AINT GONE...AS LONG AS YOU COMMUNICATE WITH ME IN MY HEART I'LL ALWAYS HEAR YOU, JESUS FATHER-GOD IS ALL I CAN SAY I LOVE YOU GRANDMA AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY HE TOOK YOU AWAY<3
TIANA RAKIAH BRIDTTER*

self written***

If only there was a way to erase all my pain and sorrow, that i have committed to. How pure would i be? How real would i feel? How much happiness will I get? How much would i regret?..In this life i am held captive against better..but yet so free to worse..its constantly haunting me, I try to seek the "right" in the "right", but it seems like "wrong" is for right now enjoying my company**, To wish for so much more but yet recieve less,..Gives you the emotional right to seek the best..but yet your heart won't let you..It's like a mental block on ones' soul..That can only be set free in ones' determination to self worth to be made whole**. Who am I to say that settling for you is the best i can do? Who am I to say that this pain is my karma for the misery i put you through that never existed? or is it just my lack of knowledge and fear to move on thinking im headed to worse of the worse and less of the less so i settle..But Who am I to say there Isnt' more? What if im jst taking a long route because my heart is Sore. But soon o' yes soon i'll be through that door soon i'll make it there then u'd see to you how much i really mean,..but by that time i wouldn't look back, nor' would i even care* (self written

typical muchhh???

After a while history starts to repeat itself. Like deja vu' or "same script, different Cast"..... But this time it was supposed to be different in alot of ways... Sure there were good days... But after awhile the bad began to take over... Then for a second we got back on track and all over again we began to love eachother... How ever... We resolved problems.. With my thoughts unspoken.. Not that i wanted to speak them anyways.but it wouldve been nice to ask "how do you feel about that"? but like i said.., after awhile it all became so typical i seen a problem coming be4 it even happened. Which is exactly why i kept a big piece of me.. To me.so i can be sure that i control the emotions coming in and out of my heart..no regrets for any reason..we were in love but maybe it jst wasnt our season. (after awhile it all became so typical)-Tiana

Woman in the mirrior

I'm a person, not a punching bag nor a slander board, you must respect me just as you desire the same.. Were on a fucked up path and it doesnt seem to be getting any better. Is it because we look the same..? It really doesnt matter.. Im not about mending fences Anymore, I'm gonna continue to grow up & before you know it ,be gone from you... Hopefully before I do I'll get through to you about the things you do and if I don't at least I tried and thats my "Q" to never come back to you... I'm not about turning over new leaf... just about burning the branches of strife that has torn us apart for as long as I could remember. I prayed & prayed for things to change but nothing seems to have gotten better. I guess figured it was too late to get it together.
Well I'm 18 now, I'm not about breaking down barriers, Just about showing you the woman in the mirror.

Aids the killer of not only life but of Emotions

Am I going to die? That’s what comes to mind when I made the doctor read me the results over 1000 times, disbelief, tears, and, pain, those 3 elements pierced my heart the same, when the doctor said you’ve tested positive, you have full blown AIDS, at that moment help wasn’t the first thing I was trying to seek, my heart dropped my throat tightened and i instantly became physically weak, yet all he could do was shake his head, your mind starts to race and you hope the doctor has the wrong name? Your embarrassed , deep inside you think of who you can blame, from which one of my partners could this deadly disease have came? You go home at night unable to look yourself in the eye, breaking down slowly day after day you wonder why?, the tears won’t fall so you silently cry, repeating to yourself I have aids, I have aids, then you began to “count” down your final, and last days. On you go to a depression stage, your thoughts say I’m going to die anyway, so what’s the treatment for? To cover up these purple lesions,...or so called sores? Am I going to die? you question yourself who’s going to love me now ? Am I gonna die alone? Could I make it through life? If so how? it seems like everyone turns their back and you are for the first time on your own. people make mistakes and condoms break, but that one mistake has left you with a lifetime of heartache. scared to sleep at night because you don’t know if its your last, you begin to reminisce about your aidless life you once had in the past. but then there are those of you who didn’t think you could get it from this woman or this man. AIDS has no respectable person! Use a condom, don’t pass it on, or your emotions and life is yours to slowly be gone. <3

definition of tears**

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” (Tiana for thought)*

live it right you only get one****

“There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’.” - (Tiana for thought)

choice

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" ♥ think about it (tiana for thought)

Tiana for thought # 8

I never understood why people say "think before you act". I get it now* your thoughts are a processing chamber which directs the action you take* (tiana for thought)

Tiana for thought #7

IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART PROTECTED YOU'LL NEVER BE REJECTED HOWEVER BY DOING SO YOU'LL BE ALONE IN THE END AND WITH LONELY-NESS COMES SADNESS; SO ARE YOU REALLY PROTECTED?

Miss independent always walked away , she'd always say "No time for love that comes my way" She looked in the mirror and thought today ,"What happened to miss no longer afraid? It took some time for me to see How beautiful love could truly be Now no more talk of why can't that be me?, I'm so glad I finally see*** {Tiana now about Tiana back then}

senses of love***

When I spoke from my mouth you didn't hear me ; when I spoke with my eyes you didn't see me ; when I spoke from my mind you didn't quite understand me ; but when I spoke from my heart you felt me because at that point we were speaking the same language

walking away

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back and walking away from knowing what love could've had in store for you.”

Tiana for thought #6

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it.” (Tiana for thought)

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had? (Tiana for thought)

Tiana For lover to lovers((***)))

If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

the love choice*

The best thing about love is you can't plan it, you can't buy it, and you can't control it. {You just have to let it happen}

Tiana for thought #5

Isn't it crazy how you can have all the right moves, but your making them in all the wrong places???* but your blind to the fact that your going the wrong way down the path, but somehow every body else has clear vision of it. (Tiana for thought)

Tiana for descision****

Its easier to live wrong than to live right, that's why I'm asking God too get me right no matter how tough right may be. (Tiana for descision)

Tiana for choice****

FREEZE! STOP RIGHT THERE, Now TAKE MY HEART OUT OF YOUR HAND & CAREFULLY HAND IT BACK TO ME,{hands where I can see them!}..ok... now about face slowly... now walk away,...I don't want you in my life anymore. [I just needed to take back what was mine first] (TIANA FOR CHOICE)

how whole can i be

IF I COULD, I'D DIVE INTO YOUR EYES, SWIM DOWN INTO YOUR SOUL, & CHAIN MYSELF TO YOUR HEART, SO I CAN BE SURE WE ARE TRULY WHOLE **

Human rock Bottom

Your so "down" to the point that your low down! And your so "cool" to the point that your stone cold! Well consider my rising "above" you, and melting you along the way*- human rock bottom**

Tiana to self****

AND SHE SAID TO HER,..."TIANA YOUR MY ONLY HOPE, YOUR ALL I HAVE LEFT,.... SO DONT LET ME DOWN, SHE LOOKS BACK AT THE MIRROR AND REPLIED... "I WON'T, SO DON'T GIVE UP ON ME JUST YET"

love quote 1*

“For some people, love doesn’t exist unless you acknowledge it in front of other people.” - Tiana for thought #4

Tiana to fear**

“Whatever you fear most has no power over you. It is the fear that has the power.”

Tiana for thought (numero tres') (it's not called giving up it's simply called throwing in the towel)

throwing in the towel doesnt mean your weak nor a quitter, it means your strong enough to come to your senses to see that what's done is done. - Tiana for thought (numero tres)

Tiana for thought (numero dos')

"An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes."- tiana for lovers****

Birds of a feather flock together....?? mhmmm "i think otherwise"**

Tiana for thought (numero uno) ????
why is it that people in the world are so judgemental nowadays?? So many people based their thought on others by their background, and whom they affiliate themselves with. I am not too fond of the phrase " birds of a feather, flock together" to me that isn't nessacarily true, I have an evidentiary theory to support this, people choose the people they want as thier friends for numerous reasons, one reason can be because in their eyes that person is truly genuine and has potential to actually be a good friend to them. Another reason a person may choose someone is because one person can be a safe haven to someonelses soul,.... if i'm down and out and in an emotional rut and at the bottom pit of my life then why not look to someone to lean onto the person may not be like me at all but they may have what i need to be helped,or what about when a person does a favor for another it's like you needed me then and i just happened to be there to get you out of a situastion and i'll need you next time kind of set-up, you don't mean to befriend them it just kind of falls into that place that way and you two can be two totally different people but somehow you just have a mental common ground that works out ina way that you 2 can have a friendship. I have 5 friends all of us are the same age and they all have kids and 4 of them dropped out, 1) i have no kids at all 2) i graduated with a 3.5 gpa 3) and I am in school trying to pursue what i am doing now??? so how am i flocking the same way as those birds?? (not calling my friends birds but you know what i mean) so birds of a feather do not flock together, keep in mind that all birds have feathers but we can all be a different species. ( Tiana For thought) [numero uno}

ABOUT ME***

Welcome to my blog "AS TOLD BY TIANA" that would be me, now if your coming up here to see gossip then leave now gossip is not what i do i report the truth, and the truth only not hearsay or what you think you heard someone say.

I'm not up here to become some famous super star better yet known as wendy williams, oh nooo not by far. I'm just an 18 yearold young woman just coming into her own.

By my post and writing you shall see the growth in me and throughout my thoughts you can follow it as well****.

hope you enjoy***