Wednesday, November 10, 2010
It was like I was falling,but not the falling your thinking of
....oh no I wasn't falling like someone pushed me out the window and I was headed for my doom, oh no wasn't that kind of fall, I was falling like when you first bungee jump and your adrenaline is pumping from the rush of the first plunge, I was falling like when you’re about to reach the climax of a song and your feeling it so much that you drop to your knees and let out the last high note with all your might, I was falling hard, I was falling in love and I was headed for you.
It wasn't something I was used too, not at all what I was used too, I had the players, the ballers, pump fakers, heart breakers, breath takers, you get the picture right?....
I had every type of man known to man, so I thought... then I ran into you, and you didn't approach me like most men do, you stepped to me with sincere clarity you stepped to respectfully, you stepped to me not expecting but hoping to retain the best of me, and when you spoke to me it was my eyes you spoke to, not my breast my thighs, or my tiny waist, and perked ass, all that you looked past and you stuck to what was the real thrill to gain, my heart my mind my spirit, everything internally.
For the first time in the long time a man actually stimulated me, go figure, who'd thunk it? Did I like it? Hell no, I loved it, every bit of it and I wanted more of it.... so right then the chase began, my heart for your heart my love for your love, my trust for your trust and then some.
A lot went through my mind the first month we started seeing one another, like I wonder if he loves me generally or theoretically. Or hypothetically? or does he even love me at all, gotta admit it was hard to tell, and you didn't make it easy for me to know.....I expected myself to be the first to say "I love you" since that's usually how the story of "me" goes, but looks like there's two authors in this chapter of my story, I know it sounds Corny but your something that's needed for me....not me on the outside but me on the “in”, the outside is easy for anyone to analyze and perceive as an easy score but when you can get into the mind of a strong tough skin woman like me that's a real accomplishment you see.
So I Guess I'm not as hard as I thought or hoped to be, gotta admit that night he shocked me I wasn't expecting to hear him say first he loved me, so what did I do?
I choked of course, not the choking your thinking...not the choking when someone has to come over and perform Heimlich maneuver, not the kind of choking like something went down the wrong tube, no, it wasn't like that, it was the choking of me trying to hold back my tears, tears because you loved me I was happy to hear yet so petrified to hear, how could I be so sure what your saying is true? How do I know the words are coming from you up here and not you down there, I mean yes it's been 3 months and you haven't even attempted to get none, but isn't this the time when could go for some? there I go comparing you again.... my apologies again...I guess I'm so used to losing I don't realize when I've actually one.....
Let’s skip to December 13Th our one year anniversary, the day you got down on one knee and requested to marry me?
I instantly became Gay, not the gay your thinking about, not the gay like I switched sides of the fence, not the gay like I dipped and dabbed a little, no not that gay, the gay of happiness, the happiness I felt when we met face to face head to head the happiness I felt when I finally took a chance and layed with you in bed and all you did was hold me through the night it felt better than sex because it felt just right.
Now all in all with that said, with this ring I thee Wed... <3
(No love lost, True love found) <3