Ever cried so much, that eventually the tears came with no warning?.... like it's something you had no control over? as if your body is used to crying more than smiling, almost as if it's the "norm" for you to cry at any given moment?
I know that feeling all to well.
My heart was no longer producing love, only water that trailed up to my eyes and trickled down my face.
I kept telling myself that crying would make the pain go away, but it didn't it only made my sadness greater, so much greater that my emotions began to overtake me.
I searched my soul trying to see what could possibly have me so broken, sad, and forcefully stuck on sad tune. what can have my heart so filled up that for love there was no longer any room? what could cut me so deeply? I thought.
Again I began to cry, this time with purpose, as the tears hit the floor they spelled out your name, I cried one more time to make sure I got the right answer, again my pool of emotions spelled your name......
-****
I can't say I was surprised, because over time our relationship had no change once it hit rock bottom, rock bottom it stayed, and no matter how much I prayed, unsolved our "love battle" remained.
right before my very eyes we were running out of love and there wasn't enough left in either of us to maintain, so my only choice was to give up.
there was no "right" within us anymore and wrong was all to much enjoying our company. time to stop crying, my tears will no longer comfort me.
(Tiana for questions)
Ever been so numb to your lover where your hello's are rehearsed? your conversation are constantly 3 minutes short ?,... your text messages are now one word, instead of one paragraph? or when your on good terms you can "time" how long the moment will last? have you ever been so numb to your lover that your kisses have no feeling and your "love making" has no passion. or your arguments are so long and drawn out that you can't remember how or why it happened? Have you ever been so numb where you look at your lover and see just a person? like as if you looking at a stranger? Ever been so hurt by your lover that even the smallest thing they do can crush you in a big way? Ever get to the point where now your introducing him by his name only instead of both his name and his title to you? like "oh this is my boyfriend john"...now its oh this is John. Ever argued so much that you just fall at fault for peace sake. Ever held your lovers hand but slightly let up in the grip because you really didn't wanna be touched? Ever look back to try to figure out what happened? Ever question "what made me love you so much?" Ever tried to make it better so you put a smile on but it seems so fake? Ever say i love you, to them but it took so much out of you to say?
Do you find yourself sticking around because you don't wanna be alone? Do you find yourself sticking around because both your names are on the lease of the home?
Ever find yourself screening there call, because you can't bare to hear their voice anymore? Ever think to yourself maybe he's not the one...maybe I made a mistake? Ever stayed together just for the children's sake? Ever cried so much that it became to much to take?
****************
My days alone are so smooth without you my eyes are dry and I don't use as much tissue.
I cried one last time the other day,and when the last tear fell, I looked down... it spelled out....
Smile.
{{tears are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”}
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